Stop asking...just be with me.

Going to Africa wrecks me everytime.  I told Chip, "Man, I've gotta stop going there."  Half serious.  Half kidding. 

Here's the deal about Africa.  If you've experienced brokenness in your life, Africa has a way of pouring the most sweet, healing balm over that wound.  To the point where it's as if, you were never broken.  

It's as if time stops.  You're in a new land.  New people.  And you're living in a way that you've never lived before.  So organic.  So pure.  So true.  So fulfilling.  FULLfilling.  But sometimes it can edge God out of that place in your heart, that place that is rightfully His. 

And as it's stated in Psalm 16:4 "Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god..."

This is what happens when I get home.  Africa becomes such an important part of my heart, it often preempts the place in my heart that belongs to God.  My sorrows get muliplied...

I get home and all I want to do is go back.  To that land of FULLness.  I get irritable.  Easily angered.  Frustrated.  Angry.  And the cry of the orphan becomes too much for me to bear and I just seem to either 1) walk around with a dark cloud of frustration over my head or 2) I cry at the drop of a hat.

I decided to devote 2 to 3 hours / day at the prayer house for one week.  I wanted to sit before God and pour out my frustrations over Africa and the 147 million orphans in this world.  I wanted him to hear me.  And I wanted him to talk to me.

After the third day...I started hearing. 

"Life is a vapor.  Fading fast.  It will be like a dream.  All that will be remembered is love."

"Stop asking."

"Just be with me."

"I know the plans I have for you." 

"I know the plans that I have for them."

"You have to trust me."

"Just be with me."

Ok Lord.  Ok. 

And the peace that passes all understanding, that surpasses the frustration of 147 million orphans...it began to rule my heart.  I said "Ok, Lord.  I trust you.  I trust that you indeed have a plan for these precious ones."  And until you say go here, or come here and do this or that...I will be still.  Still.  I will just be with you.  And I will let your peace rule my heart.  LET.  And I will let you have the place in my heart that truly does belong to you.

"I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth, my flesh also shall rest in hope."  Psalm 16:7-9

Tune your heart

Every time I hear "Fragrance of Your Name" by Cory Asbury...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARjMdXBf33I

...my mind always goes to the ICU room.  Chip had just coded.  His heart returned to normal rhythm, the commotion was over, nurses/docs left the room. And it was just the two of us.  This song was playing.  I was holding Chip's hand with my left hand and my right hand was raised in worship.  (I told Chip we were dancing.) 

But for whatever reason, when I hear that song...my heart gets sad.  I think back to the nurse yelling "Call it!"  The heart rate flashing 170 and then 0.  The charge cart powering up...

And I think, "Oh dear, I can't believe Chip almost died."  And I just kinda sit in that.  All the while Cory continues to sing about the power of Jesus' name. 

I was doing that this morning.  The song came on, my stomach turned sour, and my heart ached.  Then came a polite, gentle nudge..."Why don't you think of Jesus?  This song is actually about Jesus, not Chip."

Yes.  Thank you.  It feels better to think about Jesus than to think about sad things.

Psalm 125:4  O Lord, do good to those who are good, whose hearts are in tune with you.

Action--Reaction. No need for emotion.

(This is my first attempt at updating a personal blog.  I don't intend on spending a lot of on this, mainly I just wanted to share some of those quick, polite, inner promptings that I hear.  Perhaps they will be helpful for my friends to hear as well.)  So here goes this morning's still small voice...

I received something in the mail asking for money.  My first instinct was to say to myself, "Ugh.  Leave us alone.  We can't afford that."  And then I instantly put the request into the recycling trash can. 

Insert still small voice here..."Why don't you just present it to your husband and let him make the decision?  There's no need for you to have a sour attitude.  Let him decide.  Action.  Reaction.  No need to be emotional about this." 

Noted.  Thank you Lord.